- Do not drink shots of Patron at any point during the cocktail hour
- Do not leave at 11:00 PM and expect to drive home 250 miles
- Do not pull out of the reception location and get trailed immediately by a police cruiser for 5 minutes on a dark empty road with a 30 MPH speed limit
- Do not head in the wrong direction and drive into Midtown Manhattan
- Do not almost fall asleep on the NJ Turnpike before pulling over to buy TWO Starbucks Doubleshot drinks in a can
- Do not miss the wet floor sign and slip and fall down in the rest stop bathroom
- Do not spend the next 3 hours blasting your iPhone over your car speakers, singing along at the top of your lungs to the following songs: Arcade Fire – “Crown of Love”, Arcade Fire – “Wake Up”, Band of Horses – “The Funeral”, Billy Bragg and Wilco – “California Stars”, Broken Social Scene – “Lover’s Spit”, Coldplay – “Viva La Vida”, Coldplay – “In My Place”, Coldplay – “The Scientist”, Damien Rice – “Delicate”, Damien Rice – “Amie”, Damien Rice – “Blower’s Daughter”, Damien Rice – “Cannonball”, Damien Rice – “Never”, Flight of the Conchords – “The Most Beautiful Girl (In the World)”, James – “Sometimes”, James – “Say Something” (TWICE), James – “Laid” (TWICE), Jeff Buckley – “Last Goodbye”, Joseph Arthur – “In the Sun”, Journey – “Don’t Stop Believin’” (TWICE), Keith Urban – “Days Go By”, Keith Urban – “Somebody Like You”, Keith Urban – “Raining On Sunday”, Keith Urban – “You’ll Think of Me”, The Killers – “All These Things That I’ve Done”, Lionel Richie – “Easy”, Lionel Richie – “Dancing on the Ceiling”, Prince – “Pop Life”, Radiohead – “High & Dry”, Ryan Adams – “Two”, Smashing Pumpkins – “Mayonaise”
- Do not come home at 3:30 AM and turn on your TV to watch infomercials
- Do not wake up the next morning at 6:45 AM
You would do well to heed this wise advice.
